Gifts from the Heart!

Forgiveness:

                This may appear to be the hardest gift to give, or the one that may cost you most, but you will be surprised to find yourself benefiting from this more than anyone else!

                Is there someone that you are having a hard time with, or is there something in your past that you are holding onto? You have been forgiven of so much, can you not forgive someone else? Or think of it this way: When you stand before Christ (who has forgiven you of all your wrong doing,) and have to explain yourself, will He be glad or proud of you for holding onto these negative feelings? Everything takes on such a trivial air in the light of Christ and eternity!

                The fruit of forgiveness is peace, contentment, relief.

                The fruit of unforgiveness is bitterness, resentment, indignation.

                Can you see how YOU are the winner? Try it! It may seem difficult, but with practice, you’ll find that forgiveness can benefit you more than you ever imagined!

What should I Give?

Gifts from the Heart!

Three Gifts you can give to anyone this season. They cost you nothing, yet they are priceless!

Friendship:

In the hurry of our culture and a climate of looking out for yourself, true friendship is rare. Extend friendship to someone who you know will appreciate it. You can choose to befriend a cashier where you shop or a work associate. Often we’ll see the same people throughout our daily routines. Choose someone who looks like they could use a smile, and each time you see them, begin a dialogue. You would be surprised how much you can learn about someone a little bit at a time.

                Extend friendship to your children. As much as I am not a proponent of being “buddies” or “pals” with your kids, you can still maintain your authority while opening yourself up as a human being to your kids and letting them see the person inside of the parent.

Faith:

                There are so many people in America today that are searching for answers and true satisfaction. Share with them your faith. It’s not hard, and you don’t have to have a degree, just share your own story. How did you first hear about Jesus? How did you come to realize your need for a Savior? How did you reach out and trust Him, and accept Him as your own Redeemer? – Tell someone!

                I once taught a Sunday School class of 1^st through 3^rd grade kids. We were learning about God’s plan of Salvation, and I wanted it to be common to talk about things of the Bible. I asked them to talk to their parents, and to find out their parent’s Salvation story.

                It is sad to note how few children knew how their own parents came to trust in the Lord!

Share yourself with someone special. As you open yourself up to them, you'll find yourself receiving more of a blessing then you thought you were giving!

Remember...don't forget!

Remembering Christmas Packages Past!

So we’re getting to mail out my first Christmas packages of many Christmases to come. This is our daughter’s first Christmas away. She was married in May, and they are living in Ohio. (We’re in Florida.) And although I’m not a grandmother, my mind goes back to many years growing up when my Grandparents would send us our gifts in the mail.

What excitement there would be while my mom would open up the packages and one by one she would pull out wrapped gifts, and she would read off whose name was on the tag!

I don’t think there’s a kid alive that can’t tell a box that contains a pair of pajamas – I know we were always pretty sure! That didn’t detract from our excitement, though!

The unique wrapping paper, the special bows, even the smell inside the box held its own nuance!

As much as I would like to give my children my own happy memories, it’s futile. I love to tell them about my childhood. I hope it lets them try to picture me as a child, and I want them to know something about their Great Grandparents that have passed on. But I can’t give them my memories, no matter how hard I try.

What I can do is try to help them make memories of their own. Help them rewind and replay a special night or happening that your family might enjoy. As they retell their view of what happened it will help them to build a stronger memory of it. And of course, TAKE PICTURES! Nothing jogs the memory like pictures.

So this season… Don’t forget to remember!

SCRABBLE!

Scrabble, Anyone?

One thing I remember was that my Mom would usually find the time during holidays to play games with us kids. Now there were 4 of us, and she probably didn’t have much spare time. And maybe she played games with us throughout the year, but I remember it mostly during the holidays.

She liked scrabble best. She was good with words, she liked to read and was a good speller. So she liked Scrabble. She also taught me how to play Backgammon. To this day I don’t completely understand that game, but I can hold my own (after re-reading the rules). Of course there was Checkers and Chess, Monopoly and Sorry. But usually we would play Scrabble.

Now, I was a kid. My vocabulary couldn’t hold a candle to hers. She was a librarian! OK, So you know there was really no competition for her. But we played.

Sometimes she would win, sometimes I would win. It was fun, because she would praise my ability to come up with words, and I was always proud because my mom was so smart!

One time we were playing and talking and I remember clearly that she said to me.

“Kathy when you play games with your kids, don’t always let them win.”

(Now, it never occurred to me that she ever let me win!)

“Why?”

“Because they’ll need to know, that in life, you don’t always win. And being grown-up is also knowing how to lose.”

There is not one time, not one. That I play a game with my kids, that I don’t remember that.

As adults, we don’t always win. We may apply for a raise, or enter a cooking contest, or just try to learn something new, and we don’t always achieve success. Defeat is a part of life. Everyone experience it. I’m glad my mother taught me that it’s important that we lose with grace!

It's Christmas!

This is the Christmas season! No doubt about that!

Do you know what Christmas is about? Do you know the story of the little baby in the manger scene? It’s a true story. And it’s the reason that Christmas is a season of love and joy and giving.

This season, make sure that you share the true story of Christmas to your children! Make sure that they know why we are celebrating Christmas!

Christmas is the celebration of the birth of a baby. Not just any baby, but a promised baby! This baby was God’s Son, come down from heaven to live a life without sin, without doing anything wrong, so that when the time was right, He could pay the awful penalty of sin that human beings have accrued.

If you want to read the traditional account of the Christmas story in the Bible, it is found in Luke 2: 1-18

Or you can follow this link to the story and a printable version.

http://www.blueletterbible.org/Bible.cfm?b=Luk&c=2&v=1&t=KJV#top

Jesus Christ was born. He lived a perfect (sinless) life. He offered himself freely to be the payment for our sin debt. He shed his blood on the cross of Calvary to pay for our sins. And his payment was accepted by God in heaven!

He gave his life, and rose again to secure for you an eternal home in heaven. What a gift!

To receive God’s free gift of Salvation, and to be able to personally experience the joy of Christmas and to understand the original gift of Christmas, all you have to do is accept His gift!

Tell God that you believe in Him and in His Son, Jesus Christ. Tell God that you want to accept his free gift of salvation! Sure, it’s simple! God made it simple – so that even a child would easily understand how to accept this precious gift!

˜

For God (the creator)

So loved (possessed such strong affection)

The world (the inhabitants of the earth – His creation)

That He gave (to offer without expectation of payment)

His Only (There was no other person that could do what He did.)

Begotten Son (not an adopted or created son)

That Whosoever (in order that any, all, every, whomever)

Believeth  (to accept as fact and to rely on it’s truth)

In Him (in this Son ~His Death in our stead~ His resurrection)

Should not perish (doesn’t have to die and go to our present destination, hell)

But (a wonderful word that shows another option)

Have (to posses, own, obtain)

Everlasting life! (Live forevermore in Heaven, with God – Our Creator!)

\John 3:16/

Christmas in my Shopping Cart!

I don't care how old you get, there's always a little bit of the child that we once were!

Today,  while picking up some last minute groceries, I see the "ribbon candy" that I know my husband likes. I put it in the cart, and here him exclaim, "It's Christmas!"

If you think back, and notice this year, most of the things that we enjoy about the holidays are not the expensive gifts, or the money spent. It's the little things like "ribbon candy" that remind us of other days, and bring back such wonderful memories.

Remember this as you're planning and doing things for your kids this Season!

It's not the money or the toys that they will take with them into their adult years, it's their memories of family and loved ones!

Make memories with your children. Take the time to laugh with them. Bake cookies, play games, tell stories! The popular word is "engage" with your kids. Connect with them! You'll be glad you did, because before long, they may be hundreds of miles away, with their own family and their own decorations. But you'll both have the memories that you took the time to create this year!

Grandparents can't help being Grandparents!

So, you’re getting ready for a trip to your folks, or your in-laws for Christmas!

What an exciting time, to renew the bond of family, and to spend time sharing special times with loved ones. 

When we visit my husband’s mom, we always have many visits of family stopping by Mom’s house to  see us. (A visit from Florida to Pennsylvania – you have to make the most and see as much family as you can!)

If we are going to my folks, it’s only about a half hour drive. But either way, you need to plan ahead if you’re taking little ones to Grandma & Grandpa’s house.

Grandparents are the perfect people to help you teach a little one how to behave around adults, and how to behave in someone else’s home. Grandparents will forgive almost anything your child might do, but (hopefully) they will see the value of this lesson, and will help with this.

Before you go on your visit, you can “build up” to the visit and take this time, to explain things that you know will help the visit be a positive one. Now would be the perfect time to explain some differences in the households.

A call ahead to the grandparents will go along way in helping with this! As much as Grandparents can’t help being grandparents… they still understand more than you know about raising children! They raised you, so that must know something! Talk to them about things that you are trying to teach your child so that all adults are on the same page. Hopefully they’ll be able to really help in this!

I remember my grandma would always want to check our bureau drawers to see that they were clean. She probably offered a gift or prize… I honestly don’t remember. I do remember how important it was for me that she be pleased with my cleaning skills! I learned later that this was something her and my mom had discussed that my mom was trying to teach us. It worked!

Happy Holiday Hostess - Part 3

Challenge:

I’m having another family over, and between them and us I’m not sure if there is going to be enough food.

Besides the obvious – fixing extra food, which is sometimes economically not feasible; I have the perfect solution to this.

When all our kids were little, we enjoyed having folks into our house, but sometimes, I would worry about having enough food to serve. I knew how much food to prepare for my family, but with guests, I never knew exactly.

I worked out a “secret code” with my kids, so that we would be able to communicate about the food at the table.

When the food would first be served and their plates had been prepared, they were to eat all of the food on their plate. (if your children are very small – put less, not more food on their plates. It’s always better for them to ask for more, than for you to have to fuss at them to get them to finish.)

When I had seen that my company had sufficiently eaten, I would first offer the adults at the table one more serving of the main dish. “Mr. Brown, wouldn’t you like another pork chop?” and then I would offer my children some more, “Caleb, would you like another pork chop?” I would do this in turn to each dish at the table. When I had offered my children seconds of a dish, that was their cue that they were allowed to have more. This will eliminate the tension that happens when your kids are asking for seconds, but your guests still have not finished their first helping. This takes attention on your part. I have been known to forget about it, and my kids are sitting waiting for more. But a little eye contact, and I’m reminded of my part of our “code”.

This opens the door for another opportunity to rave over your children for their good behavior. At the next opportunity, when it was just our family, I would comment and praise them for their cooperation. And it’s fun to talk about and see how they enjoy the success of our “secret code”. And how the company “didn’t even notice”.

And realize, parent, if your child has had one serving of each item at the table; they have had enough. Just because they would continue eating, doesn’t mean that they have to. It’s good to learn that they don’t have to get up from the table over-stuffed.

Happy Holiday Hostess - Part 2

So, The Pastor’s coming to visit and you love to stay late and talk. Or maybe an older couple that you really look up to, and you would like to glean some wisdom. But what are the kids going to do? You can’t very well, send them out to a baby sitter. They deserve the privilege of enjoying the visit also.

This visit might take a little more prep time on your part, but this is where you get to enjoy the fruit of your labor as your kids get to “show off” how good they are.

First, you want to prepare your kids for the visit. Explain ahead of time who’s coming to dinner. Tell them how important these people are to you, and how much you are looking forward to their visit. By lifting your guests up, your children will have a sense of importance of their role on the night to come.

Explain to your kids how you are expecting the night to go. When having dinner at a table dominated by adults:

ä         At the table, children should only speak when they are spoken to. (remember, tonight is not about them)

ä         Children should learn never to interrupt an adult conversation.

ä         They are to eat quietly and mannerly. Even three year olds can understand this, and as much as your night may not go perfectly the evening should not revolve around your children.

ä         If they eat properly and finish their food, they can have dessert. If there is a problem, they will have to miss out on the rest of the night by going to bed early, or by laying down on the floor in the living room.

ä         If they can be trusted to play nicely in their room, then let them play for a while after dinner. If playing in their room, is more hassle for you; have them come with you into the living room, where they can sit quietly and color, or read a book. (a helpful hint: if they are going to sit in the living room, give them a bath towel to sit on that they are not allowed to get off of. This way, they know their boundaries, and you do too.)

The whole point is, that YOU should be able to have friends over without the evening revolving around your kids. And that’s not healthy for them anyway. By learning to sit quietly, they will learn that older people are treasures of wisdom. They will also be learning that there are times that they need to contain themselves, and wait for the time when they can have some attention.

Be Assured… when your children learn to behave properly, they will get plenty of positive attention. Children that are obedient and respectful are a rarity. They will LOVE hearing the praise of how well they have behaved!

Happy Holiday Hostess!

I LOVE having friends over during the holidays. The next couple of days, I’ll be writing about the different kinds of company you might have, and give some hints that have worked for helping your children to enjoy this time as well.

If your company has children set aside a room where all the kids can play, and where it won’t dominate the adult visit.

Make sure the room is free of things that the kids might harm themselves on, and free of valuables that might accidentally be damaged.

The easiest room for this is a bedroom. Have handy extra pillows and sheets or towels for imaginary playing. (Plan on this room being very messy! It’s a small price to pay for an evening of fellowship.) Allow no food or drink in this room.

If there is a span between the ages, consider bartering for your oldest child’s babysitting services at your own home! (You don’t have to pay cash, they might be glad to get out of a chore for a week or to gain a privilege.) If their child is much older than yours, try the opposite, but I suggest providing real cash. (after all, you do want these friends to remain your friends.)

Great Games to occupy your kids while you enjoy adult conversation.

Hide and Seek! The kids have X amount of time to hide (5 minutes) then one adult (each taking turns) goes in to “find” them. So you’re checking on them while they play.

Coloring Contest! All kids like to be told how good they are at coloring. Provide crayons, colored pencils, or washable markers and coloring papers… They’ll have a ball and then give a snack for a prize… winner eats first!

Fake Sleepers! – This is great when the visit starts to get a little late and the kids are tired, but none of them wants to stop playing. Lay a blanket or sheet on the floor, or give each child their own bath towel. They have to lay so that they convince you that they are sleeping. The Best Fake Sleeper Wins!
In between adult conversation, you comment…”Oh, I see Jane’s wiggling; she’s not sleeping!”  until they all fall asleep – This works almost every time!! If they don’t all fall asleep all but one will… and that last one will sleep out of boredom.

Money, Money! Find the Money?! This is probably my all-time favorite! As kids we would wait in the play room (playing quietly), while the adults were hiding change in their room. (This always took a long time when we were kids… the adults would get into their conversations, and forget to hide the change.) And then when we could be contained no longer, they would call us out to find the change! – Great rule if you have variety of ages… bigger kids couldn’t find change that was below their knees… this left money for the smaller kids to find.

I think my Uncle Rich must have loaded my Aunt Cathy’s purse with change before they came for a visit… this would go on for quite some time, until the adults were out of change!

Have any games or activities that have worked great for you?? Share them in the comments!

Tomorrow’s Topic: Older company with No children!

Remember... don't forget!

Christmas! It's finally here, the Christmas Season! For me, there is such great nostalgia and sentiment wrapped up in the Christmas season.
There are so many things to do, and so many of them can be enjoyed even better with family and friends!
Look in your area for free concerts, or put all the kids in the car to view other houses' Christmas light displays. You can go to the mall, and just walk around and enjoy the sights and sounds!
There are so many ways to enjoy this Christmas, make sure that you take the time to make some new memories this year!
And while you're at it, don't forget to remember!
Remember people, there are some people that will not be with us this year, that were here last year. Now is a great time to talk about these souls, and to teach our children that it's good to remember and talk about loved ones that have gone. The more time you take to talk about these people the more embedded in your minds they will be. When your children are older, the memories that your children have will be the ones that you will help to cultivate now, help them remember!
Remember harder days. There's nothing better to put life in perspective, than our own comparison of our situation. There's something to be said of telling your children about the "good ol' days". But also remind them of some past Christmases that you might have had in their life time. As your children get older, it doesn't hurt them to know a little more of the reality of life, especially when they are in and past their teen year. By being able to share with them some of the struggles of your life, it will help them a few years down the road when they have some struggles of their own. If they are allowed to believe that it's all a bed or roses, they will think that they are alone in their hard times, and that you or others can't relate.
Remember how others gave. As you recall, it was not necessarily what they gave, but the way that they gave it. Usually, it's not the gift that makes the memory, but WHO it came from, or the story behind the giving! Remember these with your children! They will learn what is really important to you is their heart.

Thank You!

Gordon, Thank you for always standing for right, and for making hard choices! I find strength and security in you.

Diana, Thank you for being a being willing to serve God and for being a delight to me.

Grace, Thank you for choosing to obey, and for becoming a friend!

Caleb, Thank you for choosing to follow God, and for becoming a gentle man.

Stephanie, Thank you for your willingness and desire to please God and your dad and I.

Becca, Thank you for how you’re always willing to put down what you’re doing and help me.

An Attitude of Gratitude!

If any of you know my mother, there is one thing she cannot stand … I can hear her still, “If there’s one thing I can’t stand… It’s ingratitude!”

Gratitude is the opposite of pride.

Pride says, “I deserve this, it’s about time!”

Gratitude says, “I don’t deserve this. I’m humbled”
Pride says, “I’m entitled.”

Gratitude says, “I owe so much to so many.”

Encourage others around you to a spirit of gratitude, not by beating them over the head with it. Rather, by sharing what might be or what used to be compared to the way things are.

There is always something we can be thankful for. A roof, shoes, health, computers, education, freedom, Jesus Christ, church, friends, choices, the list goes on!

Be grateful today and every day! It is infectious! And there is no better trait that we can encourage in others that will make them happier personally, and better socially.

The GREAT DAY of Preparation!

Tomorrow is “crunch” day! If you haven’t bought it, or if you need to bake ahead, Tomorrow is your last chance!

For those of us who enjoy being in the kitchen, this Thursday is our ‘Super Bowl’!

Today I will spend getting the house ready for guests, giving the bathrooms a good cleaning, wiping out the shelves in the fridge, and making sure I have all serving bowl and platters. I’ll be going over the list of things to prepare so that if there has been anything forgotten, I can pick it up today! Today and tomorrow will be a great time to take special time with your child or children.

There are so many things that you have to do to prepare for this meal. And unless you’re an extreme perfectionist, you’ll admit that there are some things that your little one can help in preparing. It may be as simple as washing some vegetables that you’ll use, or counting the napkins. Or if they’re more mature, they can learn to use a knife and cut some vegetables or prepare a cheese tray. They can also help cleaning.

They can learn to be considerate of others by imagining themselves as Grandma using this restroom. What would she like to see? Or by thinking of their Uncle or other relative; where would they like to sit in the seating arrangement.  There are so many ways that you can draw each child in.

Remember that Holidays are about those we love. Take time today to share a personal moment with each member in your home. 

Slow Obedience is … No Obedience!

“Don’t make me come in there!”

“If I have to tell you one more time to ….”

How many times have you heard, or have you said these words yourself? Raising children is a constant vigilance to watch for habits that will not serve our kids well in their adult lives.

By allowing our kids to put off doing a task that we have asked them to do, we are teaching them many false ideas. First, they are learning that what we say is not truly that important. If it were that important we would make sure that they obeyed immediately. Second, we are allowing the habit of putting themselves and their wishes before someone else. Third, and most importantly we are not teaching them that “Slow Obedience is No Obedience”.

Realize that how we respond to our parents when we are young develops a pattern of how we will respond to outside authority and ultimately to God when we are adults. If they put us off, and wait until the very last moment to complete a task; they will be more inclined disregard the authority of a police officer or worse to do disregard God's commands.


I knew a woman used to count to 5. She would tell her daughter to do something, and then when she didn't obey immediately, she would say, "Don't make me count to 5." And then she would give the 5 count for her to comply.


This is not a good habit to allow. If your child heard your words, understood them, and has the power to fulfill the request. They should learn to immediately comply. Really, it makes it easier on you and them. The sooner they obey, the sooner they can get back to what they are doing. And you don't end up standing over them like police officer.


There may come a day when immediate obedience could save their life. If you tell your child to do or not to do something because of safety, but they are already in the habit of delaying to obey. What if it is in those few seconds that something disastrous happens?

It doesn’t take a blatant act of defiance to ruin everything. Sometimes, it only takes a delay to obey.

Please teach your child to obey, immediately, the authority that they have over them, whether it be a police officer, a teacher, or a babysitter. Teach your child that to obey is best for them! As much as our society likes to encourage free thinking and questioning authority, parents, teachers, etc. know more about life than children do, they can see more. And we need to teach our children to respond quickly to instruction.

Who's Coming to Dinner?!

The holidays are so full of tradition! Each of our families has different things that we enjoy.  Some families will have ham some will have turkey. My daughter Stephanie looks forward to the pumpkin pie. My husband looks forward to having real mashed potatoes instead of instant. My dad likes to have oysters in the stuffing. I have a nephew that is crazy about sweet potatoes with marshmallows. I like all of the food but I especially like the beginning of the music and decorations that accompany the entire holiday season.

You may be having family in, or you may be going to someone else’s house for your Thanksgiving tradition. But either way, we will all be visiting with people that we don’t get to see all the time.

Family is such a wonderful gift from God. Enjoy your family! Thanks God for them! Don’t major on your diversity. Rather, remember that your family is what helped to mold you to be the adult that you are today. Remember that each person is special to God, and that each person has some distinctive trait that defines them.

 You’ll have few friends that will stick by you to the end of your years. But your family will always be there. Cultivate the love and friendship that accompanies the knowledge that anyone can be your friend, but not just anyone can be called family.

SAFETY

My friend was looking to buy a swing set for the back yard one day and the salesman asked if she had a fenced in yard or not. He explained that if you did not have a fenced in yard, then you should put the set up close to the back of the house near the door or the children wouldn’t play with it. If you do have a fenced in yard, it didn’t matter where you put it.

Since he said this I have noticed many swing sets in back yards that are not fenced, and the swings have been set up far from the house. But these swings are seldom played with.

We ALL need boundaries in our lives. Everyone has boundaries, even if we have come to accept them so much as everyday life, that we do not consider them boundaries. Our society doesn’t condone stealing, murder, lying, etc. Our laws are a set of boundaries.

Children need to have boundaries in their life, and they need to have them clearly defined. An infant, when first born gets great comfort from being wrapped snuggly in their blankets. They feel safe and protected. A young child does not feel safe to play way away from the house if there is no fence. When a fence is present, they know their boundaries, and that they are safe within them.

Set boundaries and keep them basic and easy to understand.

Our children are not allowed to run in the grocery aisles, the doctor’s office or to run in church either. Other people have come to these public places. We need to respect them by assuring that our children behave properly. If my children were too young to constrain themselves NOT to misbehave in public, then they would stay directly by my side until they were old enough to be trusted to behave on their own.

This may seem like a lot of work and upkeep. But no one ever told you that parenting was a cake-walk. But the freedom and joy that you will gain for your time of vigilance now will definitely be worth it.

"Daddy wants to RASSEL!"

Back in the day… when technology hadn’t completely taken over our lives, there were no cordless phones, cell phones, video recorders, digital cameras, or microwave ovens. We listened to our music on large black CD like discs that were about 9 inches across, we called them records or LPs.

Many fathers had already invented their own version of the remote control. The need to flip channels is somehow bred into a man! My dad had just such an invention. He would sit in his chair and say, “Kathy, get up and turn to channel 16. Can you turn it up too?” Instant remote control!

We had a large console television – it sat in a large wooden cabinet low to the ground with speakers on each side built in. It was quite a formidable piece of furniture. Sometimes, for whatever reason, my dad would want to switch channels himself. Perhaps he was looking for a specific show, or wanted to listen to more than one news report, and wanted to be able to switch back and forth quickly. Anyway, he would lie on the floor directly in front of the TV, close enough that he could reach the dial and turn the channel.

When we would see him in this prone position I remember getting goose bumps of anticipation!

If I happened to be lucky enough to be the first to witness the opportunity, I would come behind him and he would put his one arm up for me to duck under. We would cuddle for a moment. Then I would whisper, “Daddy, you want to wrestle?” …hoping.

Then with his free arm he would pull me up over the top of him, and we would tickle and wrestle… The whole time, I would be yelling, “Daddy wants to RASSEL! Daddy wants to RASSEL!” calling the rest of the kids to come and join the fun! Whoever wasn’t already in the mêlée would come running and jump on top of dad.

My child’s mind had no idea of time, but it seemed like this would go on for hours, until we were all out of breath and sweaty. My hair would be sticking to my face and neck as I would back up from the scene looking for a space for me to jump back into the fracas!

What wonderful memories! I always knew that my dad liked having kids. I always knew that he loved being with us! What a wonderful home we had, where we expressed our love for one another, and played with all our might!

Determine to let your children know that you enjoy them! Play with them! I would never trade you the memories of breathlessly laughing while my sides ached, and the joy of knowing my daddy’s love!

I Always Wished I Was Popular!

Well, that about sums it up. I never was popular! I had my friends, but they weren’t the “in” crowd. I was good at things, but they were never the cool things!

I was annoyed the other day because my two youngest girls were fighting. I truly detest the sound of discord. Why can they not concede to the other, each give a little and just get along? And then I realized the reason for the debate.

They were fighting over who was going to sit by me on the sofa! Oh, Delight, Joy and Rapture!! I AM POPULAR! We were going to watch a movie as a family, and everyone was getting situated, making sure that they had soda and chips, etc.

Our sofa has a recliner on each end, and although it’s starting to get a little saggy, I still like to sit on one of the reclining ends.  So the discussion ensued. Who normally sat there, who sat by mom last, or at dinner. I allowed the chatter to go on a little longer than usual (I was enjoying it just a tad!). And then I stepped in like any mother would.

We enjoyed the movie, everyone laughed at the funny parts, and teared up at the moving parts. But I don’t’ think anyone enjoyed it as much as I did from my seat in the middle of the sofa – with a daughter on each side!

May I Introduce you to my Friend?

Like a good friend or a trusted confidante, I have learned to love and appreciate the value of a good book. When I’m reading I share the feelings and emotions of the author. I sense their peril or excitement. I feel their sorrow or delight.

Through the gift of reading, I can educate myself about things that I would not naturally know. When I am reading a book I am, in my mind, transported to that time and place. What an amazing experience to go back into medieval times, or to travel through time and space to experience some forgotten civilization, or to work with a great scientist.

I have always enjoyed reading – or at least as long as I can remember.

Now, I was too young to remember the beginning of my love for reading, but I know that my mother sat and read with me. She had to! She loved to read; my dad loved to read. There were always books in the house, and we were allowed to read them.

When I was too young to read them, I was taught how to respect something that wasn’t mine.  I could look at the pictures, as long as I was careful. I wasn’t allowed to eat and look at a book. I wasn’t allowed to color in them, or to tear pages. (I wasn’t even allowed to tear pages out of the color books – they didn’t want us to learn to ever tear out of a book.)

This article was prompted by an advertisement that I saw recently. Probably one of the many that we see so much of this time of year, that provide great gift giving potential. But the item was a book (great so far) that the parent or grandparent could record their voice into, so that the child could hear their parent’s voice reading to them.

Now, truly, I can think of some great applications for something like this. It would be great if Dad was in the service overseas, or to record a loved one’s voice so that when they were ‘gone’ you could enjoy hearing them again.

But, really, does our society need another piece of technology to replace the contact of a parent? Already our children spend way too much time in front of a TV, or playing a video game, on the phone, or texting.

Let’s remind ourselves of what we loved so much about being a child, and share the same pleasures with our kids! Turn off the TV and computer. Silence the phone if you can. Light a fire in the fireplace, and curl up together with a book and your little one this winter! It will open a world of delight – for both of you!

Liar, Liar!

We have a steadfast rule in our house. No lying! Ever. Lying teaches distrust. Lying encourages deception. Lying shows that we have no respect for the person that we are speaking to.

Studies have even been done about this disturbing trend in our society. And we are teaching our children how to lie.

How many of us lie? Not children… parents! We may not lie at our work. We may not lie to the police officer when he pulls us over. We may not lie to the cashier when she gives us the wrong change. But still we lie.

Many times have I heard a mother say, “I’m not going to tell you one more time to clean your room.” - - Really? Even if they don’t  clean their room, you’re never going to say that again? Of course not!

“If you throw that toy one more time, I’m going to throw it away!” really, you mean the one that cost almost $100 last Christmas? You’re going to throw it away? No.

These statements are said out of frustration and even desperation sometimes. But the underlying concept is one of untruth.

You know that you will mention cleaning the room again. You probably will not throw that expensive toy away. But still we allow ourselves this habit of lying.

Some people call these “idle threats”. We want to show our child a consequence for their disobedience, and honestly, they need to learn that there are consequences when they disobey. But if you are truly not going to do what you say. They are not learning about consequences. They are learning that Mommy or Daddy don’t mean what they say. And if there is not an honest defined result to their disobedience, there most likely will not be any consequence at all.

Wouldn’t it be better to define a true conceivable response, one that the child would actually understand.

“If you don’t’ have your room clean by 7:00, you won’t be going to the park with your friends.”

“If you throw that toy one more time, you won’t be able to play with it for the rest of this week.”

And then follow through with what you say. Teach your child that you do not lie. That what you say, you will do.

Discipline will become much less frustrating. They will comply, because they do want to go to the park, or they do like to play with that toy. And they know that if they don’t obey you will follow through with the consequence.

Say what you mean; mean what you say!

Aim at Nothing, and You're Sure to Hit It!

When my 2 oldest daughters were toddlers we didn’t plan on having 5 kids (I actually wanted 9 children – but that’s a story for another day). We just had the two girls.

After Grace was born, our second, I was told that I wouldn’t be able to have any more children. We wanted more children, but for 5 years, it looked like we were going to be a family of 4.

I was a young mom, who didn’t have a clue about raising kids.

Now, I think that I have the best Mom in the world! I can’t think of too many things that I would want to do differently than she did.

My problem was when I was a toddler… I wasn’t taking notes. I have no memory of how she disciplined, how she trained us, how I learned not to play with my food. You get my point. I was there, but that wasn’t going to help me raise my 2 daughters.

I didn’t have a clear idea, even, of what I did want my children to be like… I was Aiming at Nothing. So, I went to my mom for help, thinking that she would help set me on the right path. She didn’t. Oh, she helped, but she didn’t step in and tell me how to raise my kids … she just told me what she did. So I’m going to duplicate her wisdom.

She told me to find a young lady (teenager-ish) that I liked and that had the qualities that I wanted my daughters to have someday. That wasn’t hard! At our church there was a remarkable young girl, Betsy! She had all the qualities that you like to see in a girl. She respected her parents, she was kind to older people, she wasn’t loud and crass, she knew how to have fun, she loved to laugh! I could go on and on about her! I didn’t tell her (no kid today needs more pressure) – actually, if she reads this – this might be the first she knows about it. But I put her in my minds eye of what I wanted my daughters to be like when they were her age.

I started “molding” my daughters. All of the sudden, I saw where I had allowed things, that in the end, were not characteristics that I wanted my kids to have.

Now, my kids aren’t allowed to fight and say cruel things. They started to learn table manners, and to say please and thank you. They learned to speak respectfully to adults, and to share their toys. All of the sudden I had an image of what I wanted in the end. So I just started to gently mold and change and raise my daughters with a reachable goal in view. Now, they’re 23 and 22. Diana’s a beautiful young wife with her future before her! Grace is a lovely woman that people love to be around! They’re both such a joy to me!

Find someone like Betsy! If you can’t find someone, have a definite idea of what kind of adult you want your child to be. If the traits that you’re allowing and encouraging now are not traits that will make for a happy, well-adjusted adult, you’ll need to change some things. But you’ll be so glad you did!

Raising good kids is work – but the work is definitely worth it!