Aim at Nothing, and You're Sure to Hit It!

When my 2 oldest daughters were toddlers we didn’t plan on having 5 kids (I actually wanted 9 children – but that’s a story for another day). We just had the two girls.

After Grace was born, our second, I was told that I wouldn’t be able to have any more children. We wanted more children, but for 5 years, it looked like we were going to be a family of 4.

I was a young mom, who didn’t have a clue about raising kids.

Now, I think that I have the best Mom in the world! I can’t think of too many things that I would want to do differently than she did.

My problem was when I was a toddler… I wasn’t taking notes. I have no memory of how she disciplined, how she trained us, how I learned not to play with my food. You get my point. I was there, but that wasn’t going to help me raise my 2 daughters.

I didn’t have a clear idea, even, of what I did want my children to be like… I was Aiming at Nothing. So, I went to my mom for help, thinking that she would help set me on the right path. She didn’t. Oh, she helped, but she didn’t step in and tell me how to raise my kids … she just told me what she did. So I’m going to duplicate her wisdom.

She told me to find a young lady (teenager-ish) that I liked and that had the qualities that I wanted my daughters to have someday. That wasn’t hard! At our church there was a remarkable young girl, Betsy! She had all the qualities that you like to see in a girl. She respected her parents, she was kind to older people, she wasn’t loud and crass, she knew how to have fun, she loved to laugh! I could go on and on about her! I didn’t tell her (no kid today needs more pressure) – actually, if she reads this – this might be the first she knows about it. But I put her in my minds eye of what I wanted my daughters to be like when they were her age.

I started “molding” my daughters. All of the sudden, I saw where I had allowed things, that in the end, were not characteristics that I wanted my kids to have.

Now, my kids aren’t allowed to fight and say cruel things. They started to learn table manners, and to say please and thank you. They learned to speak respectfully to adults, and to share their toys. All of the sudden I had an image of what I wanted in the end. So I just started to gently mold and change and raise my daughters with a reachable goal in view. Now, they’re 23 and 22. Diana’s a beautiful young wife with her future before her! Grace is a lovely woman that people love to be around! They’re both such a joy to me!

Find someone like Betsy! If you can’t find someone, have a definite idea of what kind of adult you want your child to be. If the traits that you’re allowing and encouraging now are not traits that will make for a happy, well-adjusted adult, you’ll need to change some things. But you’ll be so glad you did!

Raising good kids is work – but the work is definitely worth it!

"Honey, don't interrupt me! ... What did you want?"

I was recently talking to a friend of mine that has a toddler. This little guy, kept interrupting to get his mommy's attention!

Well, he got it!

"Don't interrupt me while, I'm talking, Honey! ... Now, what do you want, Dear?"

~~ interruption successful! ~~

We begin conversation again, for another interruption.

"Honey, Mommy said, not to interrupt. What do you want?"

~~ again, interruption successful!~~

See my point here?

IF you want your child to continue interrupting, this is the pattern you want to follow.

IF you want your child to learn to respect their elders, and that they have a place in your life. Then you're going to have to try something new.

You're going to need to discipline yourself, before you can teach your child proper self discipline.

If you're talking to an adult friend, and your child interrupts you (and they will!), Remind them not to interrupt you, but then instead of stopping to listen to them, continue your adult conversation -for just a sentence or two- and then hear your child.

You're still giving your child attention. You're not a bad parent-- you're teaching them to wait!

Our children need patience in life... they will learn it from us. They also need to know that the world does not revolve around them. They become a part of our world, our lives. Aren't we happiest when we are caring for someone we love, or making them happy? Our children are happiest when they realize that the world does not revolve around them. And that their lives become a part of our lives!

How many couples do you know live their lives for their children? My life, when I married my husband, became a part of his. We are 'one flesh'. We live to be happy together, and to have a happy relationship. When we started having children, our kids became a part of our life that we started together when we got married.

Someday, our children will all be grown. If our lives have only revolved around them, we will have a difficult time being alone together. Eventually we'll realize that while we were raising our children, we drifted apart. I do not want to be a stranger to my husband when my kids are gone. I want to continue our lives together, looking forward to the future and all that it holds (hopefully grandkids!)

Parentage Heritage

So, I’m teaching my son how to drive. And if that isn’t a moment of reckoning, I don’t know what is. He has these things that he does, that absolutely make me crazy! I think to myself … “Why would he do that? Where would get the idea that this is o.k.?” and then I must answer “I do that! Oh, my goodness! He picked that up from watching me!” And so, now, as I’m teaching him to drive, I have to explain to him that my behavior is wrong, and why. So, hopefully, I’m becoming a humbler, kinder driver. Because I know I’m a humbler, kinder mother!

Our children are our lasting legacy, our heritage. This is very true. But in the same sense what they become will speak volumes as to what kind of people we are. Almost everything that I know about being a mother, I learned from my mother. Many of my characteristics and mannerisms I have, I got from my dad. I have no problem accepting these facts. But why would I be surprised that the same will be true for my kids? They will pick up from my actions far more than they will learn from my instruction.

I have become increasingly alarmed at the rate that our society is declining in social graces (manners). I could write all day as to who is at fault (media, music, Hollywood, peers, etc.). But when it all boils down, it is the responsibility of the family, mainly the parents, to insure that our children know how to act and react in various situations. If they do not behave properly, then we must maturely claim the responsibility for not training them.

But I’m not here to point fingers, I’m here to help! And it will be my goal to encourage preventative measures as well as to help set us back on the right path to raising families that are a good example of maturity, patriotism, and respect. I encourage your comments and questions. If you have a question or topic that you would like to further discuss, please feel free to mention, them, and I’ll try to help wherever I can.