Grandparents can't help being Grandparents!

So, you’re getting ready for a trip to your folks, or your in-laws for Christmas!

What an exciting time, to renew the bond of family, and to spend time sharing special times with loved ones. 

When we visit my husband’s mom, we always have many visits of family stopping by Mom’s house to  see us. (A visit from Florida to Pennsylvania – you have to make the most and see as much family as you can!)

If we are going to my folks, it’s only about a half hour drive. But either way, you need to plan ahead if you’re taking little ones to Grandma & Grandpa’s house.

Grandparents are the perfect people to help you teach a little one how to behave around adults, and how to behave in someone else’s home. Grandparents will forgive almost anything your child might do, but (hopefully) they will see the value of this lesson, and will help with this.

Before you go on your visit, you can “build up” to the visit and take this time, to explain things that you know will help the visit be a positive one. Now would be the perfect time to explain some differences in the households.

A call ahead to the grandparents will go along way in helping with this! As much as Grandparents can’t help being grandparents… they still understand more than you know about raising children! They raised you, so that must know something! Talk to them about things that you are trying to teach your child so that all adults are on the same page. Hopefully they’ll be able to really help in this!

I remember my grandma would always want to check our bureau drawers to see that they were clean. She probably offered a gift or prize… I honestly don’t remember. I do remember how important it was for me that she be pleased with my cleaning skills! I learned later that this was something her and my mom had discussed that my mom was trying to teach us. It worked!

Happy Holiday Hostess - Part 3

Challenge:

I’m having another family over, and between them and us I’m not sure if there is going to be enough food.

Besides the obvious – fixing extra food, which is sometimes economically not feasible; I have the perfect solution to this.

When all our kids were little, we enjoyed having folks into our house, but sometimes, I would worry about having enough food to serve. I knew how much food to prepare for my family, but with guests, I never knew exactly.

I worked out a “secret code” with my kids, so that we would be able to communicate about the food at the table.

When the food would first be served and their plates had been prepared, they were to eat all of the food on their plate. (if your children are very small – put less, not more food on their plates. It’s always better for them to ask for more, than for you to have to fuss at them to get them to finish.)

When I had seen that my company had sufficiently eaten, I would first offer the adults at the table one more serving of the main dish. “Mr. Brown, wouldn’t you like another pork chop?” and then I would offer my children some more, “Caleb, would you like another pork chop?” I would do this in turn to each dish at the table. When I had offered my children seconds of a dish, that was their cue that they were allowed to have more. This will eliminate the tension that happens when your kids are asking for seconds, but your guests still have not finished their first helping. This takes attention on your part. I have been known to forget about it, and my kids are sitting waiting for more. But a little eye contact, and I’m reminded of my part of our “code”.

This opens the door for another opportunity to rave over your children for their good behavior. At the next opportunity, when it was just our family, I would comment and praise them for their cooperation. And it’s fun to talk about and see how they enjoy the success of our “secret code”. And how the company “didn’t even notice”.

And realize, parent, if your child has had one serving of each item at the table; they have had enough. Just because they would continue eating, doesn’t mean that they have to. It’s good to learn that they don’t have to get up from the table over-stuffed.

Happy Holiday Hostess - Part 2

So, The Pastor’s coming to visit and you love to stay late and talk. Or maybe an older couple that you really look up to, and you would like to glean some wisdom. But what are the kids going to do? You can’t very well, send them out to a baby sitter. They deserve the privilege of enjoying the visit also.

This visit might take a little more prep time on your part, but this is where you get to enjoy the fruit of your labor as your kids get to “show off” how good they are.

First, you want to prepare your kids for the visit. Explain ahead of time who’s coming to dinner. Tell them how important these people are to you, and how much you are looking forward to their visit. By lifting your guests up, your children will have a sense of importance of their role on the night to come.

Explain to your kids how you are expecting the night to go. When having dinner at a table dominated by adults:

ä         At the table, children should only speak when they are spoken to. (remember, tonight is not about them)

ä         Children should learn never to interrupt an adult conversation.

ä         They are to eat quietly and mannerly. Even three year olds can understand this, and as much as your night may not go perfectly the evening should not revolve around your children.

ä         If they eat properly and finish their food, they can have dessert. If there is a problem, they will have to miss out on the rest of the night by going to bed early, or by laying down on the floor in the living room.

ä         If they can be trusted to play nicely in their room, then let them play for a while after dinner. If playing in their room, is more hassle for you; have them come with you into the living room, where they can sit quietly and color, or read a book. (a helpful hint: if they are going to sit in the living room, give them a bath towel to sit on that they are not allowed to get off of. This way, they know their boundaries, and you do too.)

The whole point is, that YOU should be able to have friends over without the evening revolving around your kids. And that’s not healthy for them anyway. By learning to sit quietly, they will learn that older people are treasures of wisdom. They will also be learning that there are times that they need to contain themselves, and wait for the time when they can have some attention.

Be Assured… when your children learn to behave properly, they will get plenty of positive attention. Children that are obedient and respectful are a rarity. They will LOVE hearing the praise of how well they have behaved!

Happy Holiday Hostess!

I LOVE having friends over during the holidays. The next couple of days, I’ll be writing about the different kinds of company you might have, and give some hints that have worked for helping your children to enjoy this time as well.

If your company has children set aside a room where all the kids can play, and where it won’t dominate the adult visit.

Make sure the room is free of things that the kids might harm themselves on, and free of valuables that might accidentally be damaged.

The easiest room for this is a bedroom. Have handy extra pillows and sheets or towels for imaginary playing. (Plan on this room being very messy! It’s a small price to pay for an evening of fellowship.) Allow no food or drink in this room.

If there is a span between the ages, consider bartering for your oldest child’s babysitting services at your own home! (You don’t have to pay cash, they might be glad to get out of a chore for a week or to gain a privilege.) If their child is much older than yours, try the opposite, but I suggest providing real cash. (after all, you do want these friends to remain your friends.)

Great Games to occupy your kids while you enjoy adult conversation.

Hide and Seek! The kids have X amount of time to hide (5 minutes) then one adult (each taking turns) goes in to “find” them. So you’re checking on them while they play.

Coloring Contest! All kids like to be told how good they are at coloring. Provide crayons, colored pencils, or washable markers and coloring papers… They’ll have a ball and then give a snack for a prize… winner eats first!

Fake Sleepers! – This is great when the visit starts to get a little late and the kids are tired, but none of them wants to stop playing. Lay a blanket or sheet on the floor, or give each child their own bath towel. They have to lay so that they convince you that they are sleeping. The Best Fake Sleeper Wins!
In between adult conversation, you comment…”Oh, I see Jane’s wiggling; she’s not sleeping!”  until they all fall asleep – This works almost every time!! If they don’t all fall asleep all but one will… and that last one will sleep out of boredom.

Money, Money! Find the Money?! This is probably my all-time favorite! As kids we would wait in the play room (playing quietly), while the adults were hiding change in their room. (This always took a long time when we were kids… the adults would get into their conversations, and forget to hide the change.) And then when we could be contained no longer, they would call us out to find the change! – Great rule if you have variety of ages… bigger kids couldn’t find change that was below their knees… this left money for the smaller kids to find.

I think my Uncle Rich must have loaded my Aunt Cathy’s purse with change before they came for a visit… this would go on for quite some time, until the adults were out of change!

Have any games or activities that have worked great for you?? Share them in the comments!

Tomorrow’s Topic: Older company with No children!