We have a steadfast rule in our house. No lying! Ever. Lying teaches distrust. Lying encourages deception. Lying shows that we have no respect for the person that we are speaking to.
Studies have even been done about this disturbing trend in our society. And we are teaching our children how to lie.
How many of us lie? Not children… parents! We may not lie at our work. We may not lie to the police officer when he pulls us over. We may not lie to the cashier when she gives us the wrong change. But still we lie.Many times have I heard a mother say, “I’m not going to tell you one more time to clean your room.” - - Really? Even if they don’t clean their room, you’re never going to say that again? Of course not!
“If you throw that toy one more time, I’m going to throw it away!” really, you mean the one that cost almost $100 last Christmas? You’re going to throw it away? No.
These statements are said out of frustration and even desperation sometimes. But the underlying concept is one of untruth.
You know that you will mention cleaning the room again. You probably will not throw that expensive toy away. But still we allow ourselves this habit of lying.
Some people call these “idle threats”. We want to show our child a consequence for their disobedience, and honestly, they need to learn that there are consequences when they disobey. But if you are truly not going to do what you say. They are not learning about consequences. They are learning that Mommy or Daddy don’t mean what they say. And if there is not an honest defined result to their disobedience, there most likely will not be any consequence at all.
Wouldn’t it be better to define a true conceivable response, one that the child would actually understand.
“If you don’t’ have your room clean by 7:00, you won’t be going to the park with your friends.”
“If you throw that toy one more time, you won’t be able to play with it for the rest of this week.”
And then follow through with what you say. Teach your child that you do not lie. That what you say, you will do.
Discipline will become much less frustrating. They will comply, because they do want to go to the park, or they do like to play with that toy. And they know that if they don’t obey you will follow through with the consequence.
Say what you mean; mean what you say!
It all comes down to being consistent. It's so hard some times--you put the kids down to bed, you fix your bowl of ice cream, your all snuggled up with your husband on the couch ready for "It's a Wonderful LIfe" and then you hear the toys, or the talking, or whatever...it is soooo easy to just pretend you don't hear them, but you're right when you make empty threats it really is just lying.
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